First Name:


Mini Relationship Tip: De-Gifting

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” ~Author Unknown

This time of the year has always mystified me. ‘Tis the season of love, yet it seems to be mostly about giving and getting a bunch of stuff no one really wants or needs, and running ourselves ragged in the process.  We (mostly) neither love what we give, what we get, nor how we give or get it.

And if there were a ton o’ love in the things being bought or got, that would be cool, but for the most part, there’s not.

Before you accuse me of Scroogitis – yes, I was raised Jewish/New Age/Buddhist – let me remind that around the holidays, suicide goes up, we over-eat, under-sleep, get stressed out, gain weight and burn the candle at both ends.

Despite our country’s economic recession, we remain the land of plenty. How much more of what we don’t want in the first place do we really need?  All I’m saying is maybe we could peek behind the curtain of this culturally-sanctioned sadness and madness, masquerading as gladness, just a little wee bit.

Instead of RE-GIFTING all those gifts you’ll be getting that you didn’t want in the first place, consider DE-GIFTING.

Don’t know what to get that special someone? Don’t get them anything at all. Blame it on Rudolf.

Imagine: no gifts given or gotten, aside from the ones that mean something, are truly desired, or you are moved and inspired to give.

So, this holiday season, consider one way you could DE-GIFT:

1.  Don’t buy any gifts unless they truly are DESIRED by the person you are buying them for.
2.  Let your friends and family (and office peeps) know that you do n’t want any gifts unless they are truly INSPIRED give them to you.
3.  In lieu of needless gifts given or gotten, consider:

* “Paying It Forward” look around in your life to find someone who would ordinarily not be getting a holiday gift from you, and do something, give something that would be incredibly valuable and meaningful for them. (usually isn’t money, but can be). Pay forward your great fortune and abundance. If you want, you can share this story with those in your life you de-gifted.

* a micro-finance loan. Kiva ( and World Vision Micro ( are two amazing organizations that take your small donation ($5, $25 or more), and put it in the hands of  a person in a developing nation, in the form of a loan that must be repaid.

Most recipients start a micro-business with your loan that gets them out of poverty, sends children or family members to school and totally changes the trajectory of their lives.  You get to watch their progress, too.

All for the price of a Starbucks gift card!

“A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” ~Thomas á Kempis

May your heart be full to bursting with love and gratitude this holiday season, LiYana

Share this page with your friends!