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do you live like you orgasm?

in the vein of how you do one thing is how you do anything …

… if someone observed you in orgasm, what would they infer for how you lead your life?

before we dig into that juicy one, why do i care about your sexual pleasure? as much as i want for you plentiful and big Os, what i really care about is that you as a woman are sensually expressed and sensually filled.

you, sensually expressed. you, sensually filled up.

why? because that’s when you’re naturally shining brightest. tapped into your calling. that’s when you are your tail-wagging-est, largest-hearted, sassiest self.

you may notice i have been talking A LOT about what potent combination of understandings, practices and ways of being have women IGNITE and be the brilliant badasses we truly are?

it’s partly because i’ve been happily and myopically focused on my high-level mentorship program, which i’ll unveil in a few weeks. it’s a cauldron in which i’ve combined ALL of those potent ingredients that truly ignites our WomanNess.

turns out, your sexual energy is the same as your creative energy. and, where you might have blocks sexually and sensually, there are often parallels to where you might be blocked creatively.

you CREATE not only in the ways you make art but also in the ways you make love, make business, make babies, make friends and make a home.

which brings us back to how you O = how you live.

by orgasm i mean, yes, sexual arousal and expansion, but i also mean: your pleasure, your bliss, your ability to relax and receive.

what sounds most like how YOU do the DO?


how long is this going to take?

i don’t have time for this!

can’t we do this later?

oh, ok, i’ll do you a favor.

now, i’m taking too long.


you’re here to serve me, right?

how do i look?

am i doing this right?

not sure how that was for you, but at least i got mine


sex? orgasm? pleasure? what’s that?

oh, i gave that up for lent 7 years ago.

enjoy myself? i’d rather not. it’s rather messy and i might look stupid.


YOUR pleasure might matter, but mine? not so much.

oh, well, if we must, i’ll “think of england?”

don’t worry about me, i’ll be fine.

la-la-la-la-la (fingers in ears)

most women pattern their own turn-on from of man’s:

1. get hot quickly.

2. come as fast and hard as possible.

3. done.

it takes the average women around 20 minutes of playing around to even START to get aroused.

we often have no idea what our unique turn-on is like, that it might be a different beast from his altogether. (and any other woman’s for that matter).

i’m all for the fabulous quickie. hard and fast Os aren’t a problem in and of themselves.

but when it’s ALL you know, when you aren’t on intimate terms the vast sensual landscape that is your birthright, then i take issue.

men and a lot of women learn about what sex and pleasing their partners should be and look like, through porn. which is a lot like studying a paper menu and trying to recreate the meal from the black-and-white words on the page.

bottom line: for most of us, it’s an outside-in job.

i say, our sensual lives should be an inside-out job.

the degree to which you are sensually expressed and sensually full-filled is the degree to which you feel truly alive. it is not only fun and pleasurable, it’s the key to your juice and brilliance as a woman. (like ‘er? feel free to tweet ‘er)

so maybe you’d go instead for guidelines (for sex and for life) along the lines of:


* savor.

* stop. breathe. feel.

* reach up and into sensation in order to feel more.

* notice urges and impulses as they come up, share them (boldly, kindly and exuberantly) with the knowledge that if you were thinking it, likely they were too.

* this is a great spot. let’s linger here for a nice, long while.

* the more i’m having a pleasurable time, they more he is and they are.

* how can we make this the most fun possible?

* there’s as much (or more!) enjoyment in the journey as in reaching the destination. (ever notice how much more fun it can be to get ready for the party than the party itself?)

* let’s widen the aperture of our senses to drink in more of life.

* let it in. let it come.

so, to this end, your mission, should you choose to accept it is a short exercise with a snappy title:


the point is to shift the goal of a sexual/sensual experience from orgasm/climax to exploration of sensation and to expansion of pleasure. so often sex is goal-oriented, and you miss the whole process along the way, in order to reach the goal of climax. this exercise is about re-defining the goal as the process itself.

it’s for in the bedroom. you can do it with yourself or with a partner.

but once you practice it between the sheets, please adapt what you learn so you can practice it in your life as well.

1. take a few moments to prepare an inviting, sexy, sensually-rich, comfortable space. (candles, putting on music, incense, opening the window for a cool breeze, having some wine or a bath beforehandā€¦ you get the idea).

2. take a moment to connect, settle down from whatever you were doing before, and be with yourself or your partner. (appreciate you. or them. look into a mirror. notice your breathing. thank yourself (or them) for being there).

3. do whatever sensual and sexual doings you want to do, however you usually do ’em, but to focus on the “getting there” rather than the “there.”

~ the goal here is to have each moment more pleasurable than the last.

~ if you feel your mind wandering, bring it back to what is going on, whatever sensation you are experiencing.

~ if you feel close to orgasm or climax, relax and breathe into the sensation, spreading it from locally at your genitals throughout your body.

~ at any point, apply the guidelines from THE SAVOR-ER, above. šŸ˜‰

5. continue, experiment, breathe, indulge, relax, communicate and enjoy! but, COME SOME OTHER TIME.

6. perhaps take some time afterward to share the experience, either with your partner, or by writing to yourself.

~ what it was like to have sexual experience thatā€™s focus was on NOT focused on orgasm/climax, but on everything but?

~ what did you learn, what did you like, what would you like to throw away and what would you like to include in your love-making?

~ what, from this kind of love-making, would you like to graft over on to your life-making?

in fact, share that last one with me below!

to your wildly expressed, pleasure-filled life,


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