as i see it, as leading-edge women we are tasked with this challenge: as you love exuberantly and birth your greatness into the world, become MORE juicy and expressed rather than wrung out and run down.
i can tell you (and i’m sure you can tell me), it’s a no-joke challenge.
it’s not for the faint of heart (nor faint of body or soul, either!)
over my 10+ years of gazing at the lives of my friends, colleagues, students and clients, i noticed there are four traits that these women have in common.
if you prefer see them rather than read them, i’ve made a video for you, all about it.
#1: she has located infallible guidance within herself and is sourced and led by it.
she’s pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not actually that hard to find. it’s been there all along.
she’s stopped waiting for someone or something to have the answers, she’s sourced her own.
she’s stopped waiting for permission to for her life to begin, she feels like she’s ARRIVED.
#2: she has befriended her body and trusts her desires. she knows that these very things she used to mistrust, abhor and doubt the most, actually hold the treasure. (tweet it, if you like it)
she WAS absolutely sure if she followed what she most craved and longed for, she’d end up fat, ugly, broke, lonely, toothless and homeless. but where there was once a war zone, she’s struck up a peace treaty. and then EVERYTHING CHANGES.
she feels good in her body. she lets loose a desire, the universe stands up and cheers. she knows how to let it come to her and how to let it in when it comes.
#3: she is willing to do her deep, internal work to shift what blocks her from knowing, speaking and receiving her true desires.
some of her beliefs and patterns that trip her up, she can see … but some she can’t see, some are “invisible”.
in fact, she’s realized that if there is a gap between what she dearly WANTS and what she’s actually GOT, then for sure she’s stock-piling a nice stack of invisible beliefs, blocks and patterns. (tweet it, if you like it)
so, she puts on her wading boots and dives in to revise them.
#4: she surrounds herself with other women who believe in her, often before she believes in herself.
she’s noticed that as a woman, she rises or falls with the company she keeps.
she’s learned there is a certain kind of woman who has a compass at her core, knows her worth and is rockin’ her unique brand of the feminine. she’s learned she needs to surround herself with THIS type of woman, and so she does. she’s learned she can trust THIS kind of woman with her life, and so she does.
i am perfectly clear that women who are running with these four traits make the world better and brighter. around these women, people fall in love with themselves and can’t wait to be great.
it’s simple. and i am in complete service to these women.
my newest Mentorship program, Woman: The Embodiment Experience, is all about helping women step fully in to these four traits. and of course that one (rather scandalous!) secret practice. (did you think i was going to forget to mention that secret? not a chance!)
for a taste of the Mentorship and for that secret, come have a glance at the WELCOME video.
for now, your mission, should you choose to accept it:
1. scan back over your day, or over your week. find the moment you felt most wrung out or run down.
2. what SENSATIONS do you feel in your body? (hot, cold, contractive, expansive, tight, open…)
3. WHERE do you feel it in your body? (your throat, lower back, chest, heart, neck…)
4. what EMOTIONS go with it? (alone and helpless. angry and indignant. dead inside…)
5. what BELIEF or WORRY goes with it? (“i can’t do this.” “nobody understands.” “it’s all going to fall apart.” “i’m not good enough.”)
6. what is the POSITIVE INTENTION that worry or belief has for you?
i know that one’s a little tricky. but your WORRY is actually in service to your greater safety or belonging. your seemingly negative BELIEF is actually working overtime for your well-being, however convoluted it’s methods may be.
for an example, let’s say you locate your most wrung out and run down last week. you feel it in your belly, a tight, hot knot. you feel alone and helpless. your WORRY is, “i can’t do this.”
the positive intention that BELIEF has for you: if you are alone enough and helpless enough, help can come.
said slightly differently, the positive intention of your WORRY: to be alone and helpless SO THAT help will come at last.
my last question, then – and this is the juicy cherry on top – when help comes at last (when that positive intention of your WORRY happens) what will that let you know about yourself?
share below, pretty please.
to you, on your leading-edge, LiYana
i’m going to guess you (like me) love your productivity muscles. checking things off my to-do lists is still kind of a turn-on.
maybe you started a business from scratch that’s now rockin’ and rollin’. have mastered how to do it yourself (because would it get done at all if left to someone else?). know how to invest in a business development program that promises a 10x return on your money. how to measure success by how many new clients came, how high your rates raised, how much your income increased.
maybe you have have nice stretches of time where you feel like superwoman or supermom, juggling in your eight arms your grocery list, green juice, gym shoes and cute new panties.
i’m going to guess you (like me) for the most part (hey, we all have our mucky days) got the go-out-and-get-shit done thing DOWN.
i spent most of my life bowing to the god of productivity.
on the light side, i loved the rush of deleting line items. success seems easy to measure with check-boxes checked and bottom lines met.
on the dark side, however
:: i figured: once you work really hard, once you get enough done, then you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labors.
:: i assumed: the amount you struggle and sweat is commensurate to your success.
then, it was pointed out to me that you don’t get “success” NOW by working hard now to earn it later. if you don’t know how to feel successful, or happy, or joyful NOW, you’ll never feel it LATER, because all we ever have is a series of RIGHT NOWs. (‘oh, yes’ to that? feel free to tweet it)
put off success for later and it never comes. put off pleasure and satisfaction for later and it never comes.
i could get a whole lot done, but it never came for me.
:: i bow to the fact that you can get some major stuff done, Woman.
:: but when you look up and look around and ask, “now what?” that’s when it gets really interesting.
:: your core desires?
:: feeling, in your bones right now, a joyful jolt of ‘this is my life!’?
:: being willing to let things COME TO YOU, and to LET THEM IN when they come?
:: being able to savor RIGHT NOW, to open the aperture of your senses and let life flood in, filling your being with sensual pleasure?
:: feeling silky in your skin?
:: balancing out your get-it-done “masculine” power with your magnetize-it-to-you “feminine” power?
:: feeling your heart sheer open from the tenderness between you and your beloved?
:: yodeling one of your most delish desires from the rooftop of your heart, only to watch it show up, resplendent, the very next week in your life?
:: measuring your success ALSO by how much pleasure and love you experience in your day?
yes, you get shit done. but, now what?
today i got this email from a phenomenal, powerful woman who just joined my new mentorship program.
(it’s a program all about the “now what”. it’s all about helping women source her inner guidance, let loose her desires and channel her embodied genius into her living and loving. it’s a beaut. i’m a proud mama. stay tuned; i’ll be unveiling it soon.)
“so looking forward to it … and it’s been amazing to see myself go through bouts of talking myself out of even doing it. i would not even hesitate to spend this money on business development. but on embodiment/more intimacy…? the choice has not been so easy. goes to show you what I currently value and am putting my attention on. I am looking forward to stepping into the deeply connected ME … thank you in advance for stepping up to provide this experience for me to re-pattern my beliefs and heal my feminine desires.”
it can be a strange thing to invest in your desires. fund your feminine power. put your money where your intimacy is. it can be odd to value your pleasure … delight … deep satisfaction … embodied expression … and union with life itself … like you would a marketing course.
we as a culture overlook these things entirely. mistrust them. dismiss them. they live in the realm of INCALCULABLE and PRICELESS.
they also just happen to be what fuels the engine of Woman.
and a well-fueled Woman in turn fills life with meaning.
line item delight?
bottom line pleasure?
ROI full expression?
it takes COURAGE to value this stuff. it takes MOXIE to invest your time, creativity, money and energy into them. it takes a LEAP OF FAITH to call your desires important enough to prioritize.
whenever you invest in fueling your Woman’s engine, there likely will be some calculable tangibles like new clients that feel dreamy to work with. a raise. clarity on a new program that fills with more ease. more money and business growth. all of which is always good.
but, the bigger returns are hard to put a price on. i wish they were more valued. but for now, it’s up to us to value them first.
there’s a line from the movie, Dead Poet’s Society, in which Robin Williams’ character implores his students to awaken their hearts and their desires, which i’ll paraphrase:
“engineering, accounting, doctoring, lawyering, coaching, entrepreneuring; these are all noble pursuits and necessary to maintain life.
but love. intimacy. desires. art. poetry. sex. joy. pleasure. creative expression: these are what we stay alive FOR.”
so, your mission, should you choose to accept it:
i call this a Somatization. it’s like a visualization, but run through the genius of your body, your “soma.”
:: hint: this is a good one to help balance your “masculine” power with your “feminine” power. it will help you let things also come to you and also let them in when they come.
1. pick a Desire.
this Desire can be a big or small deal – like your right-fit partner or a red mini skirt; to make partner or to do a triathalon.
(for our purposes, let’s go with your right-fitting partner.)
2. what do you FEEL like when you are with (or have) this Desire? (yes, even if he/she’s not here yet!)
if we saw inside you, what emotions, sensations and thoughts would be there?
(let’s say, when you’re with your right-fitting partner you feel sassy, at peace, beautiful and excited.)
if we saw you from the outside, what would you be doing?
(when you’re with your right-fitting partner, you’re laughing, speaking your desires freely, and dancing more)
3. what does THIS YOU know or believe about herself and the world?
(let’s say, when you are with your right-fitting partner, you know you are deeply lovable and always were. you know the world is a place that’s clapping it’s hands every time more love blooms between two people.)
4. step into this VERSION OF YOU and fully feel her experience.
(this is the version of you who’s with her right-fitting partner. fully feel her experience. soak it in like you’re a sea sponge.)
5. that’s it. you just did a Somatization. this is how you will know your Desire when it comes to you. i suggest practicing this 1-5 minutes a day.
(you can do this on the bus, on the toilet, or at your altar. it’s all good.)
but before you go, do share with me what your Desire was, that you Somaticized, and maybe even how it was to Somaticize it, ok?
here’s to your COURAGE. your MOXIE. your LEAP OF FAITH. and ma bien sur, your DESIRES.
in the vein of how you do one thing is how you do anything …
… if someone observed you in orgasm, what would they infer for how you lead your life?
before we dig into that juicy one, why do i care about your sexual pleasure? as much as i want for you plentiful and big Os, what i really care about is that you as a woman are sensually expressed and sensually filled.
you, sensually expressed. you, sensually filled up.
why? because that’s when you’re naturally shining brightest. tapped into your calling. that’s when you are your tail-wagging-est, largest-hearted, sassiest self.
you may notice i have been talking A LOT about what potent combination of understandings, practices and ways of being have women IGNITE and be the brilliant badasses we truly are?
it’s partly because i’ve been happily and myopically focused on my high-level mentorship program, which i’ll unveil in a few weeks. it’s a cauldron in which i’ve combined ALL of those potent ingredients that truly ignites our WomanNess.
turns out, your sexual energy is the same as your creative energy. and, where you might have blocks sexually and sensually, there are often parallels to where you might be blocked creatively.
you CREATE not only in the ways you make art but also in the ways you make love, make business, make babies, make friends and make a home.
which brings us back to how you O = how you live.
by orgasm i mean, yes, sexual arousal and expansion, but i also mean: your pleasure, your bliss, your ability to relax and receive.
what sounds most like how YOU do the DO?
THE RUSH JOB:
how long is this going to take?
i don’t have time for this!
can’t we do this later?
oh, ok, i’ll do you a favor.
now, i’m taking too long.
you’re here to serve me, right?
how do i look?
am i doing this right?
not sure how that was for you, but at least i got mine
sex? orgasm? pleasure? what’s that?
oh, i gave that up for lent 7 years ago.
enjoy myself? i’d rather not. it’s rather messy and i might look stupid.
YOUR pleasure might matter, but mine? not so much.
oh, well, if we must, i’ll “think of england?”
don’t worry about me, i’ll be fine.
la-la-la-la-la (fingers in ears)
most women pattern their own turn-on from of man’s:
1. get hot quickly.
2. come as fast and hard as possible.
it takes the average women around 20 minutes of playing around to even START to get aroused.
we often have no idea what our unique turn-on is like, that it might be a different beast from his altogether. (and any other woman’s for that matter).
i’m all for the fabulous quickie. hard and fast Os aren’t a problem in and of themselves.
but when it’s ALL you know, when you aren’t on intimate terms the vast sensual landscape that is your birthright, then i take issue.
men and a lot of women learn about what sex and pleasing their partners should be and look like, through porn. which is a lot like studying a paper menu and trying to recreate the meal from the black-and-white words on the page.
bottom line: for most of us, it’s an outside-in job.
i say, our sensual lives should be an inside-out job.
the degree to which you are sensually expressed and sensually full-filled is the degree to which you feel truly alive. it is not only fun and pleasurable, it’s the key to your juice and brilliance as a woman. (like ‘er? feel free to tweet ‘er)
so maybe you’d go instead for guidelines (for sex and for life) along the lines of:
* stop. breathe. feel.
* reach up and into sensation in order to feel more.
* notice urges and impulses as they come up, share them (boldly, kindly and exuberantly) with the knowledge that if you were thinking it, likely they were too.
* this is a great spot. let’s linger here for a nice, long while.
* the more i’m having a pleasurable time, they more he is and they are.
* how can we make this the most fun possible?
* there’s as much (or more!) enjoyment in the journey as in reaching the destination. (ever notice how much more fun it can be to get ready for the party than the party itself?)
* let’s widen the aperture of our senses to drink in more of life.
* let it in. let it come.
so, to this end, your mission, should you choose to accept it is a short exercise with a snappy title:
COME SOME OTHER TIME.
the point is to shift the goal of a sexual/sensual experience from orgasm/climax to exploration of sensation and to expansion of pleasure. so often sex is goal-oriented, and you miss the whole process along the way, in order to reach the goal of climax. this exercise is about re-defining the goal as the process itself.
it’s for in the bedroom. you can do it with yourself or with a partner.
but once you practice it between the sheets, please adapt what you learn so you can practice it in your life as well.
1. take a few moments to prepare an inviting, sexy, sensually-rich, comfortable space. (candles, putting on music, incense, opening the window for a cool breeze, having some wine or a bath beforehand… you get the idea).
2. take a moment to connect, settle down from whatever you were doing before, and be with yourself or your partner. (appreciate you. or them. look into a mirror. notice your breathing. thank yourself (or them) for being there).
3. do whatever sensual and sexual doings you want to do, however you usually do ‘em, but to focus on the “getting there” rather than the “there.”
~ the goal here is to have each moment more pleasurable than the last.
~ if you feel your mind wandering, bring it back to what is going on, whatever sensation you are experiencing.
~ if you feel close to orgasm or climax, relax and breathe into the sensation, spreading it from locally at your genitals throughout your body.
~ at any point, apply the guidelines from THE SAVOR-ER, above.
5. continue, experiment, breathe, indulge, relax, communicate and enjoy! but, COME SOME OTHER TIME.
6. perhaps take some time afterward to share the experience, either with your partner, or by writing to yourself.
~ what it was like to have sexual experience that’s focus was on NOT focused on orgasm/climax, but on everything but?
~ what did you learn, what did you like, what would you like to throw away and what would you like to include in your love-making?
~ what, from this kind of love-making, would you like to graft over on to your life-making?
in fact, share that last one with me below!
to your wildly expressed, pleasure-filled life,
you know those women, who are really busy, doing all the right actions. trying so, so hard, yet just. missing. the. mark?
that was me, for at least 12 solid years of my life.
you know that ZING! factor, as i like to call it?
that mojo or juju or secret sauce that some women seem to ooze out of her pores?
:: she expresses herself and you feel her words land with cellular recognition, deep in your body.
:: she offers a program and you want in, whatever the price tag.
:: you see her with her partner and the love and respect between them is so potent it’s almost palpable (you want to resent her for snagging one of the good ones, but you almost can’t)
:: her body is soft yet strong, powerful and sexy. (and when you ask, she says she doesn’t DO much to keep it that way!)
whatever that IT is …
…I did NOT have it.
however, for those 12 years, when i would see a woman who had IT, who i admired because she was beautiful and sexy, had an amazing boyfriend, an amazing career or an amazing body .. and i would try to BE LIKE HER.
COPY HER, in essence.
i thought, if i do what she does, speak how she speaks, eat what she eats, maybe i’ll stop being me and morph into her and then i’ll have “IT” too.
ok, ok … we all know not to try and copy someone else. find the beat of your own drummer inside and get marching and all that.
but here’s where it gets interesting:
we rise or fall, in tune with the company we keep, right?
clocks, the kinds with pendulums that sway? if you put a bunch of them, each with a different rhythm, in the same room, eventually the pendulums will synch to each other.
we’re talking CLOCKS.
and, as you likely know, women who hang out a lot together tend to get their period at the same time.
so what about studying with a great teacher or a gem of a mentor? you’re often learning practices, outlooks and actions that inform that teacher’s or mentor’s way of BEING.
in learning from others, aren’t we trying to BE LIKE them?
it would seem we are biologically designed to sync up and BE LIKE the people or things around us.
why did my plan fail for those 12 years? what’s the gray area (of genius!) between COPYING and BEING LIKE someone else?
there are three main keys:
1. recognize that what you see in them, is already blossoming in you.
the woman or teacher you admire is a shiny mirror of you. you already have whatever it is that you admire in them; you wouldn’t be able to see it otherwise.
knowing that has you “come from” a place of already-enough-ness, rather than trying-to-get-ness.
2. sort for friends, teachers and mentors around whom you feel whole, safe – and kinda like hot shit!
the people who you learn from should definitely have walked the path you want to walk and will show you HOW to do the same, but then (and this is the important bit) they should demand that you take ownership of what you’re learning, digest it, integrate it and make it fully your own.
this kind of teacher or mentor isn’t trying to boost their ego with lots of followers or clones. this kind of leader can smell a false facsimile a mile away, and won’t stand for it.
this person feels whole and safe themselves. and since they already know their worth, they are not trying to prove it. they already trust themselves (and you), and so, around them, it becomes a no-brainer to trust yourself. (feel free to tweet it)
the student SHOULD surpass the teacher. you SHOULD feel like a million bucks around your friends. you SHOULD take the light your mentor ignites in you and burn brighter because of it.
3. begin and end with consulting your own inner guidance.
the difference between COPYING, BEING LIKE and LEARNING FROM, is all about who (or what) you’re in dialogue with.
are you consulting your own Inner Knowing or are you looking to find it out and get permission, from “out there?”
other people’s opinions and good advise are all fine to take (i do it all the time; i’m a big fan of outsourcing!), but do you run it by your own internal compass first – and last?
at the end of the day, who else will KNOW, but you?
here’s how to start to take it into the testing zone of your life:
with each person you encounter for the next day or so, start to pay attention to how you FEEL when you are in their presence.
do a quick check-in with your body, heart and mind while in their presence:
:: do you like yourself more or less?
:: do you feel safe or threatened?
:: do you feel whole or incomplete and small?
:: do you feel articulate or tongue-tied?
:: do you leave them feeling energized or drained?
(this also works for when you’re on the phone or even reading their email.)
for now, just notice how you feel in their presence.
noticing – and becoming aware like this – is the first step in changing anything.
eventually, use this body-knowing to help you hang out LESS with those who leave you drained, small and tongue-tied. prioritize learning from folks around whom you feel safe, whole, articulate and just a bit more badass and expressed.
and tell me, how does this post land in your body, heart and mind as you read it? i’d love to know what your inner knowing knows.
i had dinner last night with two of my girlfriends at a sumptuous French bistro by the bay in San Francisco.
these women are stunningly beautiful, smart as whips and entrepreneurial wizards. one’s married to a gorgeous surgeon at the best hospital in SF and the other is in an epic love affair with a millionaire celebrity hottie. they radiate health and contentment.
i was showered in enough brilliance to put PG&E out of business and light up the evening skyline.
so, then the question is: was i crawling out of my skin with envy? did i carefully watch what i said, for fear of seeming stupid or inept? did i worry they would talk shit about me later? did i feel less beautiful, less successful and less lovable as i compared myself to these women and their lives?
read: did i worry if i could really trust these women?
the answer is NO.
and here’s why:
i find that one of the biggest energy leaks for women is the fear and mistrust we have of other women. (if you like it, feel free to tweet it)
over thousands of years (for as long as women have been dependent on others for our food, care, roof-over-our-heads, money, reputation and personal power), we have grown to see other women as threats.
if someone else has control over the stuff you need, you can very quickly get into competition with the other folks who might get your stuff instead of you.
~ she comes from a better family than you? she gets married to the powerful bread-winner, not you.
~ she’s more beautiful than you? she gets the love affair, not you.
~ she’s smarter than you? she gets the drea job, not you.
~ she’s sexier than you? she gets the love. the loyalty, and the soul-shattering orgasms, not you.
~ she makes more money than you? she gets the admiration and the status, not you.
there are two really big stinky problem with this popular line of reasoning:
1. competition is not women’s true nature
2. there are enough love affairs, dream jobs, love, loyalty, orgasms, admiration and status for every woman. and plenty left over.
many of us women are no longer dependent on others for the stuff we need to flourish. (no not ALL women, not by a long shot. but probably YOU)
however, we can still see other women as threats, to be competed with and preferably bested. we still have left-over and outdated mistrust coursing through our DNA, built up over thousands of years.
not ALL women are trustable, yet. but A CERTAIN KIND of women is thoroughly and powerfully trustable:
the woman who is no longer at war with herself, but who has befriended herself.
when a woman begins to revere her body, learns the language of her inner wisdom and prioritizes her juiciness, she then starts to trust her self.
she no longer sees herself as a wild beast, just waiting for her to loose the reins of control for a moment, only to run off into the wilds of fat-lonely-ugly-broke-toothless-and-homeless.
she trusts her desires to lead, is fueled by her sensuality, and is rockin’ her own unique brand of the feminine. (well, maybe you want to tweet this one!)
she’s no longer trying to GET; she has an overflow to GIVE.
and then, she becomes that kind of woman who is thoroughly and powerfully trustable.
your body, your woman’s body, is hooked up to infallible divine guidance. the energy that courses through your veins is the same that infinitely renewable Source that powers life itself, makes babies, urges salmon to swim upstream and bursts cherry blossoms into bloom.
i stand proudly astride my soap box and say (because i know for myself and have observed in other sassy lassies): a woman’s true nature is overflowing-enough-ness.
when your well is full, it naturally overflows in the juiciest of ways on to other people. you get clear on what you want to contribute to the world. you value your voice, tremendously. you take pleasure in your daily moments now while you yearn deliciously for you next adventure.
around you, people can’t wait to be their best selves. your presence is firestick, lighting a flame in their hearts.
can you really trust other women? no, not all of them.
but can you trust the lit-up ones? the ones that are at home in their skins, who have found a compass at their core, who know their worth and who are rocking their own unique brand of the feminine?
you can trust that kind of woman with your child. with your newest, tenderest desire. with the keys to your Porsche or your raw, hurting heart.
you can trust her to hold you with love and respect. you can trust her to call bullshit on you when you need some stretching. you can trust her to remind you of your beauty and brilliance (randomly, and when you need it most).
i have purposely surrounded myself with THIS kind of sisterhood: i hang out with them, mastermind with them, cry with them, party with them and dine with them.
in the presence of their firestick beings, i become LIT.
i pray you have at least one woman like this, if not a dozen, surrounding you.
if not, please get one or some. please. your life – and the woman you know yourself to be – will transform.
the first step is learning how to trust your own bad self, your own woman’s body, so you become that open, confident, tail-swinging, trustable woman who attracts similar women, to her.
so here’s a nice practice, to start it off, and start rocking your own unique brand of the feminine:
1. start with your envy of her. (really)
let’s say her six-pack abs make you green.
2. then, ask yourself if you had that thing you envy, how would it make you feel? what would it make possible for you? (really dig down on this one)
let’s say you come up with something like:
it would make you feel powerful, strong and sexy. it would then be possible to feel lovable and capable of having a beautiful relationship.
3. KNOW THIS: you would not notice that thing in her, if it wasn’t beginning to burn and blossom in you.
that’s how it goes with women. you wouldn’t even perceive her abs (that shorthand for power, strength, sexiness, lovability, etc) if the potential wasn’t IN YOU ALREADY.
4. so, lastly, ask yourself, “in what ways can i notice that in ME today?”
so, in the six-pack-abs example, you’d ask yourself, “in what ways can I notice my power, strength and sexiness today? and while I’m at it, my absolute lovability?”
if you let her, your sweet self will begin to gather evidence of your lovability; she’ll collect examples of your power and strength to lay at your feet and she’ll wink at you, “oo-la-la, sexy!” many, many times in your day.
(AND … let me know at least one way you “rock your unique brand of the feminine,” below in the comments!)
to YOU, stepping fully into this kind of woman (and surrounding yourself with a bunch, too),
when I was around 13, i started to wonder about – and ask around – what was the meaning of life, existence and all of this? no one really had a satisfying answer, so i figured that it was up to me to figure out the existence biggies: God. Love. Happiness.
i grew up with a distinct lack of dogma and a preponderance of think-outside-the-box-ness. i am grateful for this. i know this is far from the case for so many people.
you likely had God shoved down your throat. Love may have shape-shifted into a mirage, reflected in the glare of the Hollywood sign. Happiness may have became a metaphor: slippery as an eel.
i’ve spent my life, answering for myself, through my own direct experience, the questions of God, of Love, of Happiness. i know ‘em when I meet ‘em. i trust the precise set of sensations in my body that let me know God has visited, that this is Love (or not) and allows me to be cartographer of my Happiness.
there’s a place where all three converge. it’s not Heaven, not Nirvana, not a Cold Stone Creamery near you. it’s actually an unlikely place, perhaps the last place most of us think to look for it.
it’s THIS I trust more than God.
it’s THIS that steers the ways to Love and Happiness.
(and it’s my big WHY to help Any & Every Woman find it for herself.)
you’ve probably heard the story of when god first created humans? well, when humans began to multiply and be fruitful they also began to ask for more and more of god’s time. to escape, god went to the Bahamas, but the humans found her there. god went to a mountain top, but the humans found her there too. so finally god split herself into a zillion little pieces, and placed one piece directly inside each human. because she knew that was the LAST place the humans would think to look for God, the Divine, the Most Holy, and at last She’d get some peace.
(i don’t really think God’s a he or a she, but i had to pick a pronoun, so i picked the underdog one)
that story is all well and good, i just add that the Most Holy placed that little piece of Divine right in your body. your woman’s body. the LAST place most of us would think to look for it.
Body? Don’t trust that, we hear. Body is an animal, trust the rational mind or the cleansed spirit in order to transcend this visceral plane and be worthy of the kingdom of heaven.
Woman’s Body? don’t trust that, we hear. Woman’s Body is the root of all sin, and will lead you to lust, ruin and dancing on the bar of a night club at Spring Break, barefoot and pregnant.
and not only is THIS (that I trust more than God) right in your woman’s body, it’s actually between your legs. definitely the LAST place most of us would think to look for it.
THIS that I trust more than God, I call the Oracle Between Your Legs.
here’s one for us word-nerds: ORACLE: it comes from the Latin verb orare “to speak.”
an Oracle is a source of wise counsel or prophetic predictions, inspired by the gods. Oracular utterances are a form of Divination.
Oracles are portals through which gods speak directly to people. as in, YOU.
bottom line: God – swap out your favorite term for the Divine and Most Holy – speaks to you, through you, through your woman’s body, through your Oracle.
we are talking about embodied wisdom, not theoretical wisdom. your Oracle is this spot on your body where Source Itself meets the material world, and has a party.
God isn’t out there somewhere, She’s right ‘twixt your thighs, m’lady.
i know i just said about 18 heretical things:
* you can know God in your own direct experience. you are not limited to get to God only through some book or path, righteous though they may seem.
* the voice of the Divine can and will guide you into the woman you Truly Are, if you get to know Her voice, Her language and Her communication style.
* you CAN – and must – trust the wisdom of your Woman’s Body to steer.
* the spiritual and the sexual are not separate; in fact, the fuel for Creation itself, for Life-Force Source Energy itself, likewise powers your libido. all humans have access to this, but women are uniquely poised to wield this potent kindling.
* being human, and a human woman at that, is not a fallen condition. there’s nothing to fix, fade or change. the Oracle Between Your Legs is at once your connection to the Divine while also being sweetly humanizing. (if you liked that, feel free to tweet it)
sounds like a pretty great thing to find, eh?
now, Oracles are funny creatures. they are nourished by the very stuff that entire cultures and civilizations discount and overlook entirely, the same stuff that make a woman thrive, glow and blossom into her brilliance.
i’m all about EveryWoman channeling the genius of the Oracle Between Her Legs, and i’ll be taking and teaching all about it this year.
this is what I want to cause an epidemic of:
“It was SO delicious to get back in touch with my Oracle and my feminine side! My life has truly shifted. I feel more positive, confident and centered than I’ve felt in years. My world is awesome again!” ~ Tamara
“This has blasted away doubt and insecurity and reminded me of the power that I already possessed between my legs. It was like the last remaining shards of glass were plucked from my heart and it started to beat freely and openly again.” ~ Tabitha
“My business doubled, and then tripled.” ~ Nisha
“My norm was feeling unworthy, jealous, less okay because I was not who SHE was. I have only recently, because of finding my Oracle, been able to be lifted up by and not broke down by the women around me, both familiar and stranger.” ~ Ceri-Anne
“I now have a deep appreciation of the value of the knowledge I possess and an awareness of the need to share it. And the trust to allow myself to re-brand my website again to accurately reflect who I am and what I have to offer the world.” ~ T.G.
“A lovely constant of happiness & joy as anxiety & doubt slip ever farther away. I am filled w/a DEEP sense of peace & well-being and excitement over whatever new adventure is around the corner for me while immensely enjoying my daily moments NOW.” ~ Gladys
“What a pleasure to engage with my body on a physical level and listen to its desires.” ~ Goddess
“I got the guy I married back! I feel like I’m a bride on my honeymoon again!” ~ Kristina
“Last night I had the biggest orgasm ever and so did HE!!!!!!” ~ Candice
your Oracle won’t make your life perfect, but it does make it impossible to feel truly lost, ever again.
so, please stay tuned in the coming weeks and months. i’ve got great tips, articles, courses and experiences, all crafted to help you find YOUR Oracle.
and then, watch out world! the lit-up ladies are a’comin!
but for now, please leave a comment:
what lets you know you can trust yourself?
what lets you know you can trust another?
to what YOU trust, without doubt,
hello and welcome to 2013!
i am a bit of a thesaurus addict and dictionary devotee.
when writing this post about vows and commitments (good and worthy topics for the top of a new year), i found these definitions striking:
:: to solemnly promise to do a specified thing; to dedicate to someone or something, especially a deity.
:: to pledge, devote or bind to a certain course of action; to be in a long-term emotional relationship with
somewhere in the moment when 2012 became 2013, i made some simple vows to myself for the upcoming year:
* Be Oracle Led. (have my Sourced bodily wisdom, the deity that is in me, lead the way)
* Take My Full Share. (of the moment, of life, of love)
* Be Bold. (insert my wisdom into the moment, with exuberance)
for the ceremony in which i committed to these vows, i created an intricate dance performance – involving a projection of me dancing with my live dancing self, a beautiful musical score, to an audience of the most extraordinary humans i know.
here’s a sneak peek image from the performance:
and here’s my guideline for creating your own vows and commitment ceremony:
your own commitment ceremony (your vow exchange with You), need not be as complex as all that. it can certainly be involved, and include the goodstuffs of ceremony, or you can keep it simple and simply Hear Yourself as you make your vow(s).
all that stuff of ceremony (like candles, incense, singing, dancing, setting the space, gathering witnesses, etc) PREPARES you to step into the Sacred, Holy and True, but you don’t NEED any of it.
the moment your heart speaks the vow IS the moment of commitment, and that can happen anytime, anywhere, no bells, whistles or cathedrals needed.
the Divine is everywhere. the Holy knows when you mean it or not. and you know when it’s True. (if you liked that, feel free to tweet it)
so, your mission, should you choose to accept it:
Your Commitment Ceremony To You
1. create a vow (or vows) to You.
what do you solemnly pledge to do, be and uphold for yourself this year, even when you don’t feel like it – especially when you don’t feel like it?
(said differently, what course of action are you devoted to? what do you promise to yourself? what do you agree to uphold? who do you vow to BE, in rough times as well as smooth, in this long-term relationship you happen to be in, with Yourself?)
i say, come up with ONE powerful vow. or two or three. when you can remember them off the top of your head, you know you’re really going to do ‘em.
2. plan (and do) your commitment ceremony.
it can be long or short. take yourself on an afternoon, a day or a weekend getaway. or grab 2 minutes of silence on the bus on the way to work. rent out a church, or do it on the toilet.)
it can involve real jewels and killer duds, or a gum-ball ring and your favorite sweats. however, i do recommend you have some item, like a ring, a necklace, a picture, or somesuch that acts as an anchor to remind you of your vow or vows.
(that’s the real reason we use a ring in a marriage commitment ceremony: to look down at your hand and see the daily reminder of your vows)
get Real, get Sacred, bring your vow(s) and your talisman and do the deed.
and of course, make my year by letting me know a vow or two of yours in the comments below!
welcome to 2013 and the You you are bringing into it,
in my former career of over ten years, i was a professional modern dancer, most notably dancing with the KCDC in Israel and the Metropolitan Opera Ballet in NYC, where i got to do what so few dancers do – actually be paid (and paid well) for my craft.
(see me in action, but don’t forget to come back and read this mini-tip)
i was recently preparing for a casual dance performance that I’ll perform around the new year. i mean it to be a creative act for me, a piece of art and entertainment for those who’ll watch it, and also as a commitment ceremony: an embodiment of my vows to my Self, my “Oracle” and all we’re creating in 2013.
in the performance, my past Self and future Self dance for (and with) each other.
in rummaging on my bookshelf for a notebook to use in the performance, i found the perfect leather-bound one – and this piece of paper fell out of it; vows I made to my Self on new year’s nearly 5 years ago:
* to measure my success by how much love and enjoyment i experience each day
* to remove the shackles of perfectionism
* to love You forever, through good times and bad
* to cultivate the dance/conversation between masculine and feminine power within me
* to be Bold and Take Up Space
* to celebrate my Self and my Body
* to honor that which feels aligned, to walk toward those things and manifest them
* to live a spacious life
* to continue to learn how to trust my body
* to continue to become a Free woman
at the time i wrote and made these vows, each one was a weighty struggle; each was a steep hill i climbed step by slow step, sometimes not seeing that i was making any progress at all.
i know now that when you place “success” just out of your reach, an un-measureable, ever-moving target, then, not surprisingly, you’ll feel like you are ever-failing. [like it? feel free to tweet it]
now, as i look over this time-capsuled missive from 5 years in my past, each one has come to be.
vows. your past and future Selves meeting. this thin-veil time of the death of 2012 and the birth of 2013.
SO, YOUR MISSION, should you choose to accept it:
* at the end of each day, for the next 13 days, record, on a scale from 1-10, how much love and enjoyment you experienced that day
1 on the scale is a little blip of joy and love; 10 is a full-body tsunami
* on december 31st, take a look at the trend:
* how successful have you been, measured how much love and enjoyment you experienced each day?
* and, on december 31st, the last day of 2012, look for another mini-tip email from me, where i’ll walk you through my own process to create vows to myself, like the ones above. and a commitment ceremony, too, should you choose to create and partake. (no dance performance or magic notebook required).
to your measure of success!
and if you are moved, give me the holiday gift of your comment below,
on the steps of the home of my mentor’s brownstone, i described a miserable period of time in my 20s, my ugly duckling phase as i call it. instead of asking, “are you my mother?” like that little duckling did, i asked every tom, dick and harry, “are you my soulmate?”
(i know i’m mixing duck stories here … just wait a bit)
most of the toms, dicks and hairies answered point blank, “no, i’m not,” but i figured i should sleep with them at least once just to make sure.
(rinse, repeat … sigh)
“i had no intuition,” i told my mentor. “oh, darling!” she said (she really does talk like this) you were DEVELOPING your intuition.”
spidey sense. mojo. guidance. inner knowing. your personal oracle. intuition.
i sort of assumed you got yourself one of these by being born with it or being touched by the tip of a fairy godmother’s wand.
but, developed? crafted out of trial and error? improved on? refined? perhaps i wasn’t a lost cause after all.
knowing what to do that’s right for you … this kind of superpowers comes from a combination of 1. LISTENING and 2. PICKING UP. these superpowers feed on repetition over time. they love life experience and grow stronger with your awareness.
1. LISTENING: the CALL of your intuition or spidey sense comes in many forms. words. primal inner grunts. body tingles. signs in the world around you like billboards, novel titles and newspaper headlines.
your guidance speaks a unique language, designed specifically for your ears. so first you have to listen and learn its language. even if you’re getting silence or static for a long time, keep listening. fluency is coming. i promise real-deal mojo is in there – in you. [if you like it, feel free to tweet it]
2. PICKING UP: your instincts calling; are you going to pick up? your inner primal grunt says, “sell the stock.” sell it. the billboard says, “the Philippines are waiting for you,” so you decide to go on the trip with your two friends. your gut contracts slightly and you decide, no second date.
to pick up means to act, leap, try. take your own best advice. heed the call. i won’t promise it will guarantee the obviously perfect outcome. perhaps in hindsight you’ll realize the guidance wasn’t, “sell the stock” it was “salt the stock.”
the point is you listen and you take a step in the direction your inner finger is pointing. rinse, repeat; rinse, repeat. from then on, the process is iterative. you fall on your face less and less. you hone. you get nuanced. you get fluent in oracle-speak.
after enough listening and picking up, you start to find your PLACE, your HOME and your NORTH STAR. you realize you’re carrying the COMPASS inside you. you find yourself surrounded YOUR PEOPLE. you molt your ugly ducking feathers and swan it up.
so, your mission, should you choose to accept it: PICK UP. when you get the call, PICK UP.
the outcome of your action? it’s none of your business for a while, just keep asking, “how high?” when your compass says, “jump!”
by the way, i’m teaching this process of instinct-honing in my upcoming Inner Feminine Badass Bootcamp. take a look and see what your Inner Feminine Badass feels about joining us: http://www.innerfemininebadassbootcamp.com
to your PICKING UP what your mojo is putting down,
the last mini tip was about why to heed feedback that hurts. this one’s about how to give feedback that hurts way less.
here it is in a nutshell:
decent feedback format =
1. what worked +
2. what i’d like to see more of +
3. what to leave out next time
why, you might ask, would you even want to use sucha thoughtful feedback format instead of just layingyour unadulterated opinions on them?
as i see it, the whole point of offering feedback is to help that person see a blind spot or two in order to do it better next time.
i suggest that it’s actually in that person’s best interest when you take responsibility for giving your feedback in a way that doesn’t send them into a tailspin of self-doubt or defensiveness.
it’s better form – and just kinder to a fellow human being – to dispense your opinions and insights without them needing to get out their shield or some boxing gloves.
let me break down the magical feedback format a bit:
1. start with what worked:
this pre-supposes there WAS something that worked! scour your mind and heart to find something. i know you can.
the person is already harboring doubts and worries that they screwed up and you’re about to rub their nose in it, so to speak. they are armored and prepared to get pounced on. when you start with what worked they breathe a sigh of relief and release the niggling doubt that they are worthless. they feel safer and they being to trust you. they open up to hearing all of what you have to say.
not a bad way to start.
2. what you’d like to see more of:
this pre-supposes there was something good you’d like to see more of, or something you didn’t see, but you’d like to.
of course it’s easier to just lay on them what’s not working, what’s missing or where they missed the mark. the result that’s nearly guaranteed, however, is that they don’t hear your feedback at all, it’s so drowned out by their inner moans of self-loathing and recrimination. or they hear you perfectly loud and clear and they close their ears forever to anything redeemable. your decent intentions to help them go to waste.
too bad for both of you.
3. what to leave out next time: if you’ve got insight into how they can trim the fat, edit, polish and shine, give it to them. they are going to be more open and receptive to hearing the nitty gritty because you didn’t smack them down in the opening round. [feel free to tweet it]
TRUE: we can’t control if someone will crumple or implode when hearing your words, no matter how well-wrought, but you can do your best to wield your feedback with a dash of care.
this goes for giving feedback to your lover, your employee, your friend, your kid, your goldfish … heck, even yourself!
so, your mission, should you chose to accept it:
when next giving feedback,
1. tell ‘em what worked.
2. tell ‘em what you’d like to see more of.
3. tell ‘em what to leave out next time.
literally, you can start your feedback with these sentence stems:
“well, what i saw that worked was …”
and then, “what i’d like to see more of is …”
and then, “and what to leave out next time is ….”
to your fabulous feedback and perhaps a comment below???
PS: thanks to NLPMarin.com and Carl Buchheit, one of my crackerjack mentors, for first enlightening me to this uber-useful feedback format.